Horribly sad today

I'm so crushed...I have wanted to cry all day..I just can't bring myself to do it. Finally Josh stopped on his Yahoo..right when I was leaving to go to the eye doctor...good thing to. Big News...he just got a new girlfriend...shocked? not really, I am a girlfriend fairy (new discovery!) haha
My my stupid open hearted little girl...why won't you grow up? You fall like a brick...for an idea of who you think he is...you have no clue who he is really. I can't believe I have actually been feeling physical pain from this...that pressure in your chest, whoever you are that reads this you know what I am talking about...maybe you don't...it's just uncomfortable...and only when I think about it...the mind is truly powerful because of odd things like this...I actually feel like my heart is crushing inside me...like it will collapse and stop. Amazingly crazy of me...like I said I don't know him. Open hearted little girl...you give your love to all the world...messed up, used, twisted, and confused you have become...from the undelicate ones...hardened they let thier hearts become...I want to wash away with tears...but the tears will not come...I refused to be to my self the pitiful one...but still it beats..and still aches...my hopes were so high...I thought surely I would fly...but still I walk, head held high...while inside I crumble... you will never see me stumble. I fall all the time...but I go straight down...splat! there's my heart...just kick it off to the side...it'll be okay there...I'm going for a ride.
*consolation prize...he said we could still be friends...silly, that's all we ever really were so far...I just wanted more than I said...I was nervous...you know how you say stuff when you're nervous that later you wish you hadn't. heh I'm sooo good at that. The time we laughed...and laughed and laughed...I was so comfortable in that place with you...oh stop this is gettig saad. On with the show right?