Where have I been?

Ah a good question from me...maybe from you...who knew? well, not many that's for sure, cause this place in my psycho head that I've been is not a party spot, it's a place of self tourture......a place where I allow myself to be beat up by meaness, self doubt, regrets, false hopes...it's a horrible place and I hope you never meet me there. It is certainly hard work to get out of....but I am emerging, I can feel the anger coming on, the catalyst for change is coming and the fire is warming up....it grows ever nearer....fear? only a little. Anticipation? Oh yes! I wonder what could be around this corner of life and what great new things will I see and learn? What interesting and intricate personalities will I have the pleasure of swirling intellect with? What types of challenges will this next chapter be filled with? Oh the mystery...passionate to not know, when everything has always been so predictable. Scarry, exciting, new, wonderful.... ah! yes......I love it.......even when it hurts, I am loving it for it's patterns of comfort and it's twisted torn unexplainable troubles, and still amidst all confusion...all inadequacy, there is always my favorite color...if only a glimmer....my colors are there.......waiting for the wind to pick up the edge and shake it around. shhhhhhhhhhaaaAAAA!!!!!! WhoooosHHHH!!!! as quickly as it was made gloom...it was made into a peacful tinkering of bells, and the smell of dark green grass.....warm moist summer....enveloped with the sun's kisses, resonating in every cell of my body a feeling of good warm loving nurishment.